Guys’ Girl Sickness: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

CW: misogyny, emotional trauma
Disclaimer: These are my opinions I am twenty two

Some girls are not like the rest, and even the boys agree.  They are up for anything.  They played a contact sport in high school and were *this close* to playing in college, just don’t ask them to prove it.  They keep their hair up and their nails short, because visibility and dexterity are important for playing good pong, which could become pertinent at any time.  They don’t have gal pals, because they’re not frivolous enough to fit in with other girls.  And they won’t get pissed off when their guy friend takes a xanax and says that hot girls can’t be smart.  Because they’re one of the boys. #FTB.  They get it.  They can hang.  

Do you know a guys’ girl?  Maybe you are a guys’ girl.  If so, you might be thinking you’re lucky to have an identity that aligns so perfectly with a favored female trope.  Think again.  Yes, guys’ girls are a classic staple of American society.  But, and this is a serious question, who’s gonna hold your hand when you need an abortion?  Or when you find out what gaslighting is the hard way?  Or when you learn that your place of work, or academic institution, or government is protecting a sexual predator?  If you’re a guys’ girl, the answer is no one.  The reality is, guys’ girls have a sickness, and it’s called Guys’ Girl Sickness (GGS).  I myself am a recovered guys’ girl.  I was able to send my GGS into remission with a rigorous treatment plan of my own design.  And after I set the stage here I’m gonna give you all my best hacks for curing GGS.  But first, let’s establish exactly what it is.


What is Guys’ Girl Sickness?

Guys’ Girl Sickness is a condition that may affect any person who is not a cisgender heterosexual man.  The condition takes its name from the term commonly used to describe a woman who has the respect and approval of men, beyond what is typically awarded to the girls and the gays.  

Kim Kelly, from Freaks and Geeks is a perfect example.  She laughs super loud at every man’s joke, she looks hot, she’s down to do crazy boy stuff like smashing a mailbox, and she puts other girls down.  It’s not her fault that she acts like this (I’ll get into that later), but it’s also not a very hot girl way to live life.  

The problem with Kim Kelly is not that she doesn’t have substance.  As is the case with many guys’ girls, Kim Kelly is quite emotionally intelligent.  She has a strong ability to read the vibes of others, and she knows how to ensure that she consistently gets positive readings from the people in her life.  She feels she deserves the full attention and respect of her friends and acquaintances. Yet indeed all girls and gays eventually find that their authentic selves only get them about halfway there in terms of obtaining the respect of some-to-most boys.  Of course, the Kim Kellies of the world will not accept this kind of failure of acknowledgement, and that is valid.  But instead of distancing themselves from the kinds of men who don’t appreciate them, people with GGS make themselves more easy for men to appreciate.  Namely, by acting exactly like them, without ever revealing their femininity.  They know that once they do, they may be reduced to a sexual object. So, the guys’ girl makes herself into a #girl-shaped boy.  She laughs at sex jokes because they aren’t about her, she learns to roll a joint, she watches the goddamn Eric Andre Show.  The problem with Kim Kelly is that she is not being herself.  She is repressing her femininity because she thrives on the approval of cisgender heterosexual men.  

Us women either are guys’ girls, were guys’ girls, or hate guys’ girls.  Men, on the other hand, they fucking love a guys’ girl.  As long as she’s stealthy.  As long as they believe she is as effortless as she seems.  They eat that shit up.  This makes it really hard for someone with GGS to recognize that she isn’t being true to herself.  Because what feels more natural than earning positive feedback? Clearly, GGS is no joke.  In the short term, it prevents a woman from celebrating her femininity.  And if left untreated, it can become chronic or lifelong.  Do you or a loved one suffer from GGS?  Read on to discover the symptoms.


Symptoms of Guys’ Girl Sickness :

Learning to recognize the symptoms of GGS can help you to save yourself from a lifetime of despair.  Here are some indications that you may suffer from Guys’ Girl Sickness.

• You have experienced a loss of interest in the girls and the gays
• You would like to be considered “one of the boys”
• You enjoy South Park
• You laugh at offensive jokes even though you disapprove
• You say bruh uncontrollably (actual guys don’t even say this anymore, by the way)
• You are forcing yourself into a drug or alcohol dependency in order to fit in with the gang
• Your voice gets deeper when you’re talking to men—Elizabeth Holmes style
• You refuse to wear no show socks, even in private
• You have an identity crisis every time the boys want to game or lift weights 

All of these are symptoms of Guys’ Girl Sickness.  They are indications that you value yourself most highly as a subject of the male gaze.  While GGS has yet to be classified by the DSM 5, it can take a very real toll on a person’s mental health.  The sickness is associated with low self-esteem, a weak sense of self, and a lack of fulfillment in personal relationships.  Long-term, GGS can prevent you from bonding with like-minded, genuine people.  It can also exacerbate a pre-established inability to properly judge a man’s character.  All of these things can lead to extreme anxiety and depression. ALl this leads one to wonder, how does a smart girl like Kim Kelly become afflicted with GGS?  


Causes of GGS:

The cause of GGS is straightforward.  GGS sufferers have been constantly exposed to the twisted societal norms that make men think they’re better than women.  It’s not that they agree with this bigotry, but that they know they can silence it by assimilating.  They have the social skills to consistently and flawlessly present themselves according to a man’s tastes, interests, and even mannerisms.  The better a girl is at this, the less rejection she’ll face from the people whose opinions matter most to her.  And the more success she has in collecting these sorts of positive exchanges with men, the less likely she is to identify herself as having GGS.  Clearly, this condition has a dangerous snowball effect.  And interestingly, it would seem that heightened awareness of self and others is a risk factor for the development of GGS. Don’t worry, friends.  Up next are my experience-based suggestions for fighting GGS in its early stages.  

Treatment of Guys’ Girl Sickness:

If you suspect that you have GGS, don’t freak out.  You can still give yourself the life you deserve to have.  One wherein you can be exactly yourself without even having to consider the opinions of others, and certainly not of men.  You have four options, which are best used in combination, but may also be used individually according to what resources are available to you specifically.

Treatment Option #1: Experience Devastating Betrayal by a Trusted Man

This course of treatment will clear your GGS right up.  It has a pretty high success rate, but there are a few downsides.  The most obvious con to treating your GGS with the experience of devastating betrayal by a trusted man is that you may become traumatized.  In extreme situations, this treatment option could even have the consequence of lifelong intimacy issues.  That being said, it does yield some of the most intense results of any treatment option.  Once you are betrayed by a man, you are certainly on the path to recovery from GGS.  With access to the right support and resources, you will likely begin to hate the man responsible for your troubles.  You will be moved to take the necessary measures to ensure that you are never blindsided again.  And when you make this choice, you will finally start to see the traits of your betrayer in other, similar men.  At long last, you will be free to resent these men, and never to take them seriously.  Of course, developing gender-specific trust issues is not the ideal solution to the problem of GGS, but it definitely, definitely works.  If nothing else, it forces you to pay close attention to the real-life indications of others’ character.  

Treatment Option #2: Pathologize Everyone All The Time

To be very clear, my therapist strongly advises against this strategy.  For those with existing trust issues, this option may prevent you from enjoying and appreciating the people around you, which ultimately makes you an unhappy person.  That being said, it is also the best medicine for Guys’ Girl Sickness.  If you can better understand the people in your life who respect you conditionally, you can identify their intentions with each of their behaviors toward you.  If you decide to embark on a journey of compulsively researching the personality psychology behind the behaviors of friends and relatives, you will soon find that not everyone is exactly who they seem.  And while nothing is as simple as the DSM 5 makes people out to be, it is incredibly useful as a framework for character judgment.  Learn to recognize which behaviors stem from insecurity, and learn that not everyone’s personality lends itself to the kind of genuineness that you expect from your friends.  This will teach you to dismiss the men who don’t take you seriously.  

Treatment Option #3: Get Female Friends Now

You absolutely need to have female friends.  If you, as a woman, are disinterested in making friends with other women, it is likely because you value the opinions of men over connection with likeminded people.  And this, obviously, is all the more reason to make some gal pals.  Let them set the standard for how you want to be treated.  They won’t respect you conditionally unless they are exceptionally rude, because they know what it’s like to receive conditional respect.

Treatment Option #4: Go To Therapy ASAP

If you have GGS, that’s probably just the tip of the iceberg.  Seriously go to therapy.  If you do not have access to therapy, make friends with someone who does.  

Conclusions:

To wrap up, I will assert that individuals with GGS are just girls becoming women.  They are learning how to live in a world where men exist to ruin things.  Developing trust issues is a great way to cure your Guys’ Girl Sickness, but it is only the second step on the long, winding journey of womanhood.  If you or a loved one is affected by Guys’ Girl Sickness, enlist the help of your female friends and get to the bottom of this confusion.  You are a woman and you deserve to cancel the people who do not respect you.  After all, resentment, while not an ideal defense mechanism, should be much preferred over repression of your femininity.  Bye